Connection | Self Care

How to Offer Forgiveness

August 31, 2016

Whether you believe in God, the bible, or not, forgiving others allows us to live a whole life. If we hold onto anger, pain, and bitterness it festers and consumes us. But forgiving isn’t easy.

It takes much  more than saying the words, “I forgive” to truly let go of a grudge, especially when it’s deep, and not hold it against someone.

I’ve read many articles on forgiveness, but none of them really allowed me to let go and forgive. Something eluded me.

Now I believe I’ve found the secret.

I’ve found an amazing ritual that allows me to let go of my desire to be right and to offer up forgiveness.

  •  Write down everything you feel the other person has done to harm you.
  • Read it over, add to the list. Dig deep.
  • Write down the things you like about the person, outside of the situation.
  • Write down everything you can learn from the situation. Keep it positive! You’re not learning to hurt someone else before they hurt you. You’re not learning to ‘avoid a person’. You’re ‘understanding what it feels like to be treated a certain way, recognizing when you’ve similarly treated someone like that, and changing your own actions’.


Keep it personal. On your journey, you will have different lessons than someone else. Just as not everyone will be hurt by the same experiences, nor will everyone feel good about the same experiences.

Forgiving is about lessening the pain in the world. You may not lessen the other person’s pain, but you will lessen your own, and be less likely to spread more pain.  That is the healing power of forgiveness.