Originally posted to FaceBook Dec 2014
*Please Note, I fasted 72 hours prior to chemo, and 5 hours post chemo each round*
I’m doing awesome! I’ve taken up running again. It’s been far too long, Or maybe just long enough that I’ve finally acclimatized to Canadian running…? Ahhhh how I’d love to run on Bayshore BLVD tomorrow. Palm trees overhead, water lapping against the white stone wall. Needing no more than shoes, shorts, and a sports bra. Instead it’ll be in the frozen cold amongst half built houses wearing ski pants, a winter coat, mittens, a toque, a hood, warm socks, massive boots…
Anyway. I’ve taken up running. I’m working out. Fasting more than seems sane, but strangely it works for me. Who knew I was capable of fasting for more than 3 hours? let alone 3 days? Heh.
I feel great, well other than my cold head. Yeah, bald may be beautiful, but I appreciate all the head covers that keep me from freezing in this arctic air. Really, would it kill ya to turn up the heat? Oh. It’s already at 25C?
Really I feel good. I don’t feel sick, I don’t think of myself as sick…But in a couple months I will no longer have breasts. In a couple months my body will be very different as a surgeon cuts this cancer out of me. In a couple months I’ll find out if I’m one of the lucky ones who’ll experience phantom breast pain for the rest of my life. If I’m one of the lucky ones who can barely stand to wear clothes anymore for the pain that comes with anything touching the scar tissue. In a couple months life will change again.
I wonder if the pool will have a problem with me going topless? No nipples, no problem. Right?
In a couple months I will need a new wardrobe as the one I have won’t quite work for me anymore. No longer am I a breastfeeding mother. No longer will I have breasts. Sure prosthetics can be worn, I don’t really know how that’ll go, but I can imagine the discomfort of slipping a fake breast into a bra pocket, with no real breast to hold the bra in place. I envision breasts sitting under my chin by noon…hmmm, could be interesting. Maybe I’ll get free drinks? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
But seriously. It is really weird to think ahead to the changes my body will go through and try to plan for something when I have zero experience to base this off of. No previous surgeries or major injuries. Childbirth was a breeze so I can’t really compare. I can plan for the worst, but what is the worst? Well, having not gone through it myself, I can only go based on patients I’ve talked to in the past, and that’s about it, because I haven’t really looked into it anymore than that. What I’ve heard isn’t pretty…of course what I heard about childbirth, and chemo wasn’t pretty either… But in the past, I planned for the worst and that’s served me well.
Plan for the worst, pray for the best.